I think about quitting sometimes. No, really, it’s true. I have these heavy waves of self-doubt that wash over me and make me think I’ll never be quite good enough and make me wonder why I even bother trying.
And in those moments of doubt, I tell myself it’s not a big deal. That it won’t matter if no one ever reads one of my stories again except for me. That I’m creating for myself and no one else and who cares what the rest of the world thinks? And I tell myself that would make me happy. Or at least it would be less frustrating than not being perfect. Or maybe it wouldn’t be so great…
…and then I realize that it wouldn’t make me happy. That if I gave up on my writing I would always wonder if I could have done better. I would always regret that decision and would consider going back on a regular basis.
I don’t want that. I don’t want to always wonder what would have been if I’d only tried. At least this way I know. I know I tried, I know I didn’t give up, I know my odds of making it further each time are infinitely higher than if I didn’t try at all.
When I remember all of that, I can’t give up. I can’t walk away from writing and I can’t abandon my dream of being a published novelist. Because the regret and the ‘what ifs’ would weigh so much more heavily on me than the stress of rejection and rewrites. Besides, the sting of a rejection or a bad critique fades with time. Giving up and never going back is forever.
How do you push through the fear and doubt?
I hope this doesn’t sound too weird. OK, what am I thinking, of course, it’s weird.
I’m really good at endings. My beginnings are getting better,it’s just that middle part, where I do a lot of wandering around in the woods.
Anyway…when I’m really discouraged I pull out my endings and read through them. Then I know I have got to tell this story.I can’t give up.
I think we all get that, Lori. All the time. It’s hard to keep pushing through when all you get are doors slammed in your face. But like you said,, if you give up, you’ll never know if that next door you knocked on might have been the one to get you into the next room.
And remember, every project you work on makes you a better writer. Ever damning critique helps you improve if you can get your hurt feelings out of the way and use it.
Even if you never get published (and you will), you won’t have to live the rest of your life wondering if you gave up on the dream too soon.
We should never give up on our dreams.
@farawayeyes – it doesn’t sound odd to me. I do something similar sometimes. I’m not so good at middles, but I always have a favorite scene or two I’ll re-read to remind myself.
@Kate – So very true, and thank you <3
The thought of giving up is partly the result of focusing on the end-product (having a published book)and not on your story. Writing is a process, and the process itself should be satisfying; if it isn’t, then maybe quitting is the best option. As long as you enjoy the process of writing and telling the story, quitting shouldn’t tempt you much.