I have a non-writing related post rant today. I saw something in the grocery store last night that just gnawed at me. I thought I could let it go, but it’s been bugging me all night. I think it’s because it’s something I’ve had a problem with for a long time, but not been able to articulate.
Have we as a society forgotten what a sincere compliment is?
Sally (to Nancy): Oh my! That dress looks fabulous on you.
Sally (two hours later to Jane): Did you see here in that dress? She looked like a sickly penguin. Eww.
Or
“You have the most beautiful eyes. If you could lose some weight you’d be attractive.”
Or
“That presentation for the board of directors was fantastic. They loved it. Too bad you didn’t stick in an extra financials pie-chart so I could use the same one on my business trip next week.”
Or
“Thanks for doing the dishes. I guess I’ll have to take care of the laundry myself.”
Why can’t it be:
Sally (to Nancy): I don’t think the black is doing it for you. But the red dress looks gorgeous.
Sally (two hours later to Jane): You should have seen the dress we found her for the company Christmas party. She looks amazing.
Or
“You have the most beautiful eyes. They light up a room when you smile.”
Or
“That presentation for the board of directors was fantastic. I’m making a note now for your annual review. Way to knock it out of the park.”
Or
“Thanks for doing the dishes. Every extra little bit helps.”
I’m not going to ask why we think it’s necessary to put those qualifiers in our compliments, or why it’s so hard to make them sincere. I already have a pretty good idea there.
Instead I’m going to ask a favor, if I might be so bold. Compliment someone today. Be sincere. Don’t use qualifiers, don’t make it up. Just mean it and enjoy their appreciation and/or shy acceptance.
I agree! Sincere compliments are a breath of fresh air! However, there are moments – like when I’m teaching classes on writing when I have to follow up – “wow! I loved the way you described your characters” with some kind of constructive criticism “I think your story would be stronger if . . .” Sometimes I think we turn compliments into constructive criticism moments when they should just be compliments.
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Good luck with A-Z!!!
-Yadin
You are so right. I know a lot of people who do this. I do make an effort not to because I think it’s important to be sincere. I try to give compliments whenever I think of them, whenever they pop into my head I try to actually say them because you never know what kind of a day someone is having. Every little bit helps. 😉